Why, oh Lord, did you make me slow?
Are there just some things I ought not to know?
I guess even gardens need some time to grow . . .
Why oh why did you make me slow?

I guess it keeps my heart from stopping,
so I don’t need no pills a popping,
when I see nosy neighbours dropping by.
It calms my nerves most certainly,
though I don’t get technology!
I guess I get enough to get by . . .

The humour sure has changed a lot,
Ever since I was a tot.
The modern jokes have got my brain on pause!
I’d give you an example, but . . . um

. . . I guess we can’t all be TikTok hot shots!

My working hours are three to eight.
I guess I’ve time to meditate,
Or smell some roses or some other shit.
I barely got my first degree,
My math don’t go past 1, 2, 3,
I guess I never got the hang of it.

The other kids all knew it too,
Whenever I’d walk in the room
I’d hear them whisper, “Hey! She doesn’t know!”
I’d look at them suspiciously,
and check myself all nervously,
And all the while they’d laugh and laugh at me.

I’d run home crying “Boo-hoo-hoo!”
My mama, she’d walk in the room,
And through my teary sobs I’d tell my tale,
“Mama, what am I gonna do? I ain’t got no social cues!”
“You just tell them kids to go to hell.”

Now you’ve heard my tale of woe,
Of how it feels being so damn slow.
At least I can count my shoes and tie to ten.
This brave new world’s a bitch, I know.
You’ve got to brave it as you go,
Then maybe learn some life skills now and then!